Whether you are a formal leader or informal one, I can guarantee you’ve said some version of the following: “Just reach out if you need help!” Maybe it was on a big project. Maybe it was on some minor day to day task. Maybe it was for something super urgent. Likely, it was on all of those things! As a leader, we often want to do what we can to aid folks and make them feel supported, so we offer our assistance willingly and readily. We sincerely mean the offer and will jump in as needed. It’s all very well intended but has two important detrimental effects: it portrays you as a “rescuer” and it puts the onus on the person who needs help.
Being a “rescuer”
The concept of being a “rescuer” is well defined in Liz Wiseman’s book “Multipliers”. The name is descriptive: a rescuer jumps in to situations when they believe a person (or team) is struggling to complete something and they “save the day” by either taking ownership themselves, providing all the answers, or shifting the goal to make it more attainable. She discusses the act as one of the “accidental diminishers” that we engage in every day, and it couldn’t be more apt of a description. It’s an activity that many of us do regularly for the absolute best of reasons. Our intention is to make sure people around us are productive, successful, and well thought of by others – we want to help folks build their reputation.
The act of rescuing often does the opposite, however. It can inadvertently teach learned helplessness, where an individual or team will simple float along knowing that the rescuer will jump in and solve things in the end before a real problem arises. It diminishes problem solving since a solution is lurking just around the corner. It stifles innovation for exactly the same reason. Over time, rescuing folks can create a dependence on the leader to solve all pending problems. That also diminishes the reputation of the people and team, as others see that the solutions always flow from the top.
Most leaders aren’t trying to be saviors. We all have good intentions. But in this case, we must the thoughtful about how and when we not only offer help…but the type of help we provide. Instead of being a rescuer, simply prodding the individual or team to explore the solutions they have in mind may be enough to rescue them. Very rarely folks have no idea what to do next, they often just lack the confidence or reassurance to proceed. If you feed that (confidence, empowerment, reassurance, etc.), the need to rescue will drop precipitously.
Own the act of helping
Once you’ve made sure you aren’t acting as a frequent rescuer, you will still have moments when your team or individuals need help. Let’s say you’ve assigned a big, consequential project with a tight deadline. You’ve outlined the situation and the expected outcome for the team. You’ve empowered them to build a roadmap and a plan to execute. They’ve shared all this information with you. How many times have you said, “Looks great. Just yell if you need anything.” or something to that effect and let them go on their way? I know I’ve done that more times than I could possibly count.
Once in a while when you get to either the next update or the finish line, you see that the project has either stalled or went wildly off the tracks. A flood of questions pops to mind: How did this happen? Why? Why didn’t anyone pull me in to help?
The reality is that the mistake was on your part by putting the onus on the team to come to you and ask for help. Put yourself in the team’s shoes for a moment. You just got entrusted with a big project – do you want to go back to the boss and have them question your competence by asking for help? Do you even know if you need help? And if so, what specific help to ask for? Do you want to spend the leader’s time if you don’t even know where they can help?
As leaders, with good intention, we forget the one of the most basic human rules: it is far easier to accept help than it is to ask for it. If you involve yourself a little more in the project through updates or with milestones, you can ask questions along the way which will give you indicators where you can offer help by either diving deeper to prompt deeper thinking, guiding the process, or even jumping in and getting your hands dirty all without making the team come to you and (in their mind oftentimes) grovel for help.
So as a leader, my guidance for you is to try and skillfully adopt those two concepts:
- Allow teams and individuals to work through issues on their own with guidance via questions and exploration; don’t rescue them at the first sign of minor trouble
- When help is likely to be required, proactively offer it in areas that you can uniquely contribute without requiring others to pull you in; offer the least invasive help that you can while being accretive – leaving the team in control and accountable for the outcome
View from the Middle 