As a leader, the most critical thing we do is create a foundational culture for our teams. Culture can be amorphous in many cases. Sure, there are a list of organizational values, mission statements, and so on. Organizational aspirations are not necessarily equal to the way the organization operates day to day. That isn’t an indictment of values, missions, etc. but instead a realization that the day to day is often far messier than the long term north star of an organization.
I’ll talk in greater depth about how we create a culture for a team another day, but today want to focus in on one specific description of an organizational culture that I hear way too often: “We are a family!”
Being a family sounds amazing when it’s first shared…who doesn’t want to join somewhere that deeply cares for and takes care of their team? That’s the implication, of course. But when you start to think about it, “family” is not an apt description for 99%+ of companies. Why? Do you just get to hire and fire new family members at will? Do you decide the size of your family based on your needs or profitability? As a member of your family, do you just get to quit your family if a better family comes along? Does every family rally around a shared goal? Do families simply cease to exist if things don’t meet expectations? Do successful families bring on third parties who they are accountable to for ongoing success? Feel free to add your 10 other similar questions in your head!
Clearly no business, no matter how well intended, is really like a true family. Most workplaces are much more like communities that we all participate. In most cases, we volunteer to be part of a community. We are all allowed to join communities as we see fit…and also not join. We can pop in and out as it fits us. Our depth of participation is up to us. Our interactions are at our discretion. If the community changes or no longer aligns with our desires, we can leave it.
The best communities have several consistent characteristics: a shared purpose with common objectives, some level of shared identity often as a result of shared interests, and common agreed upon expectations of behavior. Isn’t this much more aligned to what we’d like our teams to be? A group of individuals trying to move towards our common goals while identifying with the other members and treating them in acceptable ways?
I would argue I would much rather look for people that want to be in my group (opting into a community) compared to people who feel like they must be in my group (“born” into my proverbial family).
This may seem like a minor point but when individuals feel like they are a member of a community in which they want to remain, two things typically happen: they strive to be an active, present member in the community and the community signals how best to remain in good standing. This creates a somewhat unspoken culture that helps all the members of the community opt in and out of the it as the organization evolves.
When individuals believe they are in a work family, they often feel entitled to stay regardless of their alignment to the family direction and when anything to the contrary is mentioned it feels like a deep personal betrayal. Rarely is that the intention (thus the phrase “it’s just business”) but it is the inference.
As a result, I find it to be incredibly important to be clear with teams: I want us to be a community. We can develop deep bonds and relationships as a family would, but at our core we should be a group of individuals chasing a common goal with a common framework that we’ll all abide. As we’ve learned, words matter so make sure to chose yours wisely when you are building or describing your culture!
View from the Middle 