This post is going to be amazing. It’s quite possibly going to be the most life changing thing you read today. Or any day. Once done reading it, you’ll be thankful for having seen it. You’ll likely want to share with every contact you have. Or ever will have. As a matter of fact, you should probably reread it every day when you wake up, really.
Or at least that is the gist of so many posts I see regularly on LinkedIn. They have an inflated sense of value…and more importantly, an overexpressed theme of positivity. Realistically, this post is questionable – just like most of my posts. It will be filled with my biased opinions and moderately considered thoughts. It shouldn’t change your life. At best it will be a data point for you to consider in a world filled with data points. And that is completely ok.
All that being said, I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve read about layoffs, failures (personal and professional), significant illnesses, poor working conditions, and even death that were spun into positive and/or gratitude posts the last few months. While I have no doubt some of those posts were 100% a reflection of people’s sentiments in the moment, I am also sure that several were not. They were people trying to say what they think the world wants to see/hear. It’s the curse of toxic positivity in social media – even professional networking. People believe that if they portray some ridiculous level of positivity that that will improve their brand, improve their mood, improve their network, or improve something…I assume.
Unfortunately, the pressure to feel unreasonably positive is extremely corrosive. It’s harmful both for the writer and audience. It causes people (both writers and readers) to feel guilty for not having the ability to feel positive when they experience challenges. It shames people who feel less than positive when encountering setbacks for not being able to pivot straight to the “onward and upward” mood that many are faking. It delays or prevents growth, as feeling authentic feelings will allow people to move forward and grow faster. It makes an individual avoid the most basic part of the human experience – feeling a full range of emotions. It causes the writer to bottle up those feelings leading to predictable outcomes and it makes the reader question, discount, dismiss, or fully deny their own feelings in similar situations.
Folks that continuously employ this type of positivity are actually creating deepening issues for themselves both internally and for those closest to them. While I am clearly no psychologist, we can all agree that denying your true feelings and portraying their opposite for extended periods can’t be good for you. Additionally, the folks around that person not only cannot help the person (as they don’t seem to need help), they run the risk of exacerbating the problem by being less likely to share their own problems – which creates the illusion that no one has any issues.
We all can make social media and the world a little more real if we just think of a few key things:
- We don’t have to (or have to tell others) to “look on the bright” side or “stay positive”. Normalize that it is ok to not be ok.
- We can admit to ourselves and others that not “everything happens for a reason”. And if it does, that reason can just suck and not offer some greater positive meaning.
- We don’t push on ourselves or others that “happiness is a choice”. It’s not a character flaw to feel negative emotions – but denying them may be.
- We can support others by simply listening without feeling a need to cheer them up or solve their problems.
For those of you that know me, you know exactly how much I absolutely suck at at least 2 of the above points and potentially more. But like we can all try to be a little better.
The next time you have a career setback, bemoan it if you are frustrated. If you get laid off, don’t feel obligated to thank the company that laid you off and the laundry list of people who helped you along the way (but likely weren’t laid off). If you have a challenge in your personal life, don’t feel the need to turn it into some long, flowery gratitude post about the situation…embrace the challenge, disappointment, sadness, or whatever authentic feelings are.
Do you need to post every situation for the world to see? No. But be honest with yourself and those around you so you can all move forward more rapidly and productively. Just please don’t create a false impression for the rest of the world which will not bolster your brand and at the same time could damage the people reading it since they may not be feeling nearly as upbeat about their individual challenges regardless of their scale.
So with that, go onward and upwards…or some such ****.
View from the Middle 